She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
