I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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