Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
