see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Are we still banned from the library?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize