I look better un-naked...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
