yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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