areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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