we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize