He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
