Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize