I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
