when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
