My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
