Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
