So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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