Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
