Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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