I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
