it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize