Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
