Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
