i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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