I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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