So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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