Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
