Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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