Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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