you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
