marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
