It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
