Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
