I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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