Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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