I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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