Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Randomize
