Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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