So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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