The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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