On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
