I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize