I cut my penus on the lid.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
