The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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