just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
