maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
