I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
