Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
