eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize