dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize