he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
