Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
