Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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