just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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