At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i out mim tonsoeep
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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