I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
