meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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