So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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