Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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