Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
