Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
