Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We are two peas in an std pod
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
