the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize