I heard we made out
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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