im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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