remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
