pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
