Will you blow on my dice?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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