Dual....:-)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
