my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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