I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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