If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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