I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize