Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
