He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
