my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think a kid would responsible me up
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
