he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
