I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you inspire me to be a worse person
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize