I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The ass gains better be worth it
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