Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
