all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
