he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
