Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
